Washington DC is the capital of the free world. It is also, right now, a rat’s paradise.
Walk through McPherson Square in Ward 2. Watch your step. Not because of the tourists, not because of the potholes — because the rats are so brazen they’ll look you dead in the eye and dare you to do something about it.
We have an infestation that would make a third-world city blush, and the DC Council keeps having “listening sessions” while the rodents hold their own city council meetings under your feet.
Enough. It’s time for a comprehensive, take-no-prisoners rat eradication program. Here’s what it looks like.
Step One: Gas Them in Their Holes.
Carbon dioxide gas injection directly into rat burrows. It’s humane, it’s fast, it’s proven. Cities like Chicago and New York have deployed CO2 burrow fumigation systems with dramatic results.
You insert the probe, pump the gas, and the colony is eliminated on the spot — no chemicals leaching into groundwater, no bait stations that harm pets or wildlife. You find a burrow network, you gas it, done. DC needs a dedicated rat strike team operating every single day across every ward. Ward 2 should be ground zero.
Start at McPherson Square and work outward block by block like an army clearing a beachhead. Because that’s exactly what this is — a battle for our streets.
Step Two: Deploy ContraPest — The Fertility Bomb.
Here’s where we get smart. A product called ContraPest is already EPA-registered and being used in cities across America.
It’s a liquid bait that acts as a rodent contraceptive — rats consume it, stop reproducing, and the colony collapses from within over 60 to 90 days.
No mass poisoning. No dead rats in the walls stinking up your rowhouse. The population simply… stops replacing itself.
Pair it with burrow gassing and you’ve got a one-two punch — kill the current population AND cut off reinforcements. This isn’t experimental. It works. DC should be deploying ContraPest citywide, with Ward 2 hot zones getting concentrated saturation coverage immediately.
Step Three: Bring in the Cats.
Yes, you read that right. Trap-Neuter-Return feral cat colonies — properly managed by trained volunteers — are a proven biological deterrent.
Cats don’t just kill rats. Their scent alone alters rat behavior, driving colonies away from treated zones. Chicago’s Tree House Humane Society pioneered the “Cats at Work” program, and it’s been wildly successful.
DC already has feral cat populations scattered across the city. Stop trying to round them up and euthanize them. Deploy them. Partner with humane societies, give volunteers official “rat patrol” designations, and let nature handle what bureaucracy hasn’t.
Step Four: Hold the City Accountable.
Every restaurant with a rat violation gets publicly posted on a real-time DC government dashboard. Every alley that goes uninspected for 30 days triggers an automatic audit.
Every ward council member gets a monthly rat complaint report card. No more hiding behind “resource constraints.” We spend $20 billion a year in this city. We can afford to gas rats.
My cat Sammy personally took out two rats at McPherson Park. He did more than the DC Department of Public Works did last quarter. Sammy’s retiring now — he’s earned it.
It’s time for the DC Council to pick up where Sammy left off.
No more excuses. No more listening sessions. No more rats.
John Fredericks is host of The John Fredericks Show and publisher of DC Dispatch.